My Big Problem..

    Long time ago, I realized that I have a few bad disease of attitude. From then till now it still cant be recovered. Maybe it just be like that, never change and remain the same. People on my surrounding will face, feel and be force to accept it. My super bad attitude was I cant take it if I make any mistake or failure. Thats why I dont like and wont take any risk in anything. I'll become so anger and put my self under the maximum depression. Nobodys perfect and I know that but still my mental cant overcome it. 


    I'll stop talking to other people, stay away and take time to recover myself. Thats who I am. I hate risk, I hate failure, hate so damn much till I cant accept it and take a risk. This is not about for cant being 'redha' but when you're doing wrong, you have to bear all the effect. At least for a week then I'll stop think that I was stupid, cant handle a simple things and whatsoever. It will easy for me for being mad and driven crazy. Me was 24th years already but still cant control myself. Is it short term of deppression or what ? What should I do. 


    Theres a few situation can make me turn to this situation. First, assignments, I'll depressed when lec say it as off topic. Less point. Got nothing to do with what they wants. I dont want remember about my thesis, its teribble things ever happen in my life ever. Also, I cant give the best during do my job. I didnt submit one of my report just because I think theres a lot of lack of information & guideline. I cant take a risk for being a critism victim. It was during I being a reporter. Its a big failure actually. I try to forget it but still cant. No regrets but hateness. 


    What should I do with my self ? Cant express my feelings, cant control my self and sometimes just explode as a bomb.